Look Up

A couple years ago I attended a therapy session that was far different than any session I had been to previously. My therapist brought me into a room that held all the components for sandbox therapy. His instructions were that I choose a sandbox from the many different sizes and shapes present. Then, he pointed to shelves and shelves of tiny figurines. Hundreds of them. He explained to me that I was to take my time, look at each individual figure, and pick what I felt needed to be included. He told me not to think about it. Just do. After I had my figurines, I was to arrange them in the sandbox. He then sat silently in the back corner of the room and left me to carry out his instructions.

I did. I picked a sandbox, a heart shape broken in two, then slowly made my way around the shelves, picking up figurines I felt were significant. I held on to them, even taking some to the sandbox, placing them, and returning to the shelves for more. I moved about slowly, not allowing myself to think, just feel, and acting accordingly.

After I had finished gathering my figurines, I returned to my sandbox. There, I found two sides to a broken heart. On the left, I had meticulously placed figures such as a mother holding her children, a couple getting married, a temple, scriptures, tiny rocks with the words, eternity, hope, and faith on them, figurines that brought me resounding joy and peace. On the right side, however, I found just the opposite. I found pill bottles, alcohol, a “party” girl, a man in a jail jumpsuit, a coffin, and the grim reaper. But the most significant figure of all, the only figurine I did not place on either side, was placed on the table, in the very center of the two sandboxes. The figure was an individual sitting, back to the right side of the heart, knees pulled tightly to their chest, arms wrapped around their legs. The head was buried in their arms. And coming around from behind the figure were many hands, grabbing and pulling the individual from the back.

“Tell me about that” said my therapist pointing to the figure in the center after some discussion about what was in each sandbox. “Why did you put this one here?”

I told him I did not know. At first glance, I had no clue. I took time to think about it. I then made the only connection that made sense. “Because that’s me”. I said.

“Explain to me how that is you”

“Because my heart is broken” I say through tears. “I feel broken”

“Go on…” a gentle nudge from the therapist.

I explained to him that everything I had placed on the left side was what I desired in my life at that moment. More than anything, I wanted the peace that each figurine brought. I wanted to attend the temple, get married, read the scriptures, and feel the hope and faith written on the rocks. I further explained that I had a past, represented by tiny figures on the right side of the heart that continue to have a hold on me. At that mention, I motioned to the hands gripping the figure in the center. I told him that it hurt to even know that they were there and that most days, the right side, my past, is all I feel. All I see.

Then, my therapist said something profound.

“Look up”

I looked at him then, assuming he was telling me to look up from my hands that were currently fidgeting with each other, something I did when I was uncomfortable. But when he saw that his statement was lost on me, he pointed to the figure on the table.

“Notice where the head is?”

It dawned on me. The depiction was clear. I was there, between two lives, a past, and where I wanted to be. One dimming the other, metaphorically grabbing me and holding me. And there I sat, head bowed, knees to my chest. Allowing it to consume me.

“You are already facing the right direction; all you need to do is look up”

I have thought about this therapy session a lot in recent months. So far, this year has plagued many with the spread of a worldwide pandemic, bringing physical and financial devastation and it continues to wreak havoc on healthcare and economic systems. Confusion spreads as healthcare officials and political figures try to decide what the best plan of action should be. As infection rates rise pulling death rates with it, many argue about treatment and prevention. We have experienced the panic brought on by natural disasters such as earthquakes, fires and floods. We have seen hate and injustice on a large scale. Innocent people being attacked for the color of their skin. And more innocent people being attacked as a result of the violence that follows. Riots that lead to looting of stores, damaged property, and in some cases, physical harm to others. The physical and verbal attacks continue as each side fights to be heard.

We are bombarded with all of this by simply turning on the TV or unlocking our phones. Headlines on every news channel and paper cover the damages done by nature and that of mankind. Numbers and statistics spew out on the page or screen with dire messages of death and destruction. Social media has become a cancer, scrolling only to ever find hate and anger, with those that are “friends” at odds with one another. This leaves some feeling fear and dread. And for others, anxiety and depression sink in leaving people feeling helpless and drained of hope.

Please, look up.

As we are relentlessly attacked from behind by the woes of today, please remember that many are already facing towards that which brings joy. We need only to lift our heads and embrace it. Allow its warmth into our souls and feel the peace it brings. Lifting our heads and acknowledging its presence does not mean the other side does not exist. However, it does mean that a stillness can be found in times of unrest. Tranquility can be felt as the surrounding world, loud and boisterous, spreads its poison. Happiness can be tasted through the bitterness and love can be embraced through animosity.

“We can feel joy even while having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad year! My dear brothers and sisters, the joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives. When the focus of our lives is on God’s plan of salvation…and Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives. Joy comes from and because of Him. He is the source of all joy.”  – President Russell M. Nelson

Again, how is this possible?

By focusing on Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ.

As we keep our focus on Him, through valiant scripture and gospel study, prayer and fasting, church attendance (in homes or with others), and even our daily thoughts, His light will fill our heart and minds. As a result of this focus, we will naturally strive to be better disciples by following His example. Love one another as Jesus taught: “love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you”. Sympathize with your fellow man. Listen to them that disagree and respond with love. Teach as He taught. Love as He loves. In turn, His light will radiate forth into the world around us. As they say, darkness is merely the absence of light. In retrospect, darkness is the absence of Christ. It is our responsibility to invite Christ’s light back in and keep it with us.

“And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.” -Doctrine and Covenants 88:67

Look up and find Him who loves you eternally. Look up and find His forgiveness. Look up and find His mercy. Look up and find Him smiling over you. Look up and find Him waiting, arms stretched out to envelop you in His love. Look up and find Him. Look up and be at peace. Look up and feel joy.

Thanks for stopping by, know that you are loved.