Sacrament: Joy From Dread

“O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen”

Moroni 4:3

“O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this [water] to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them; that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen”

Moroni 5:2

These two scriptures once represented a time of the week I dreaded. The sacrament. I would often find myself grateful that I had 9 o’clock church when I first started coming back into activity. I used the “running late” scenario to purposely come about 10 minutes after the sacrament had started so that I wouldn’t have to pass that sacrament tray to the next person without partaking, or shamefully waive off that eager deacon holding it out to me. Then, the second I heard the member of the bishopric conducting the meeting announcing the program, I would slip into the chapel next to my family and sigh, relieved the torture was over. I enjoyed being spiritually edified in the meeting following the sacrament and participated in the classes afterward. But the sacrament, ugh, I knew I wasn’t worthy. I had made a covenant with my Father when I was baptized to take on the name of Christ and follow His example by obeying His commandments. I hadn’t kept my end of the bargain for years. And for a long time, the sacrament really bothered me. Guilt mostly. I told myself that one day I would begin the repentance process and eventually allow myself to be in attendance for that sacred ordinance.

“And now behold, this is the commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall not suffer any one knowingly to partake of my flesh and blood unworthily, when ye shall minister it. For whoso eateth and drinketh my flesh and blood unworthily eateth and drinketh damnation to his soul; therefore if ye know that a man is unworthy to eat and drink of my flesh and blood ye shall forbid him”

3 Nephi 18:28-29

These are words spoken by the resurrected Savior when he visited the Americas before ascending to heaven to be with His Father. While there, he administered the sacrament to the people just as he did with his apostles before being crucified in what is known as The Last Supper. I was aware of this account and knew that I fell into the category of an unworthy soul, but I saw the “do not partake” and raised it to “don’t even bother showing up”. What I didn’t consider was the scripture immediately following the two-verse warning.

“Nevertheless, ye shall not cast him out from among you, but ye shall minister unto him and shall pray for him unto the Father, in my name; and if it so be that he repenteth and is baptized in my name, then shall ye receive him, and shall minister unto him of my flesh and blood”

3 Nephi 18:30

What a deliberate, heart felt message. Given by the Savior, who quite literally just suffered for our sins in Gethsemane, was crucified, and resurrected. Come to administer and teach of the sacrament, knowing that his sacrifice alone wouldn’t be enough to save us without participation on our part, and instead of saying “if you make a mistake, tough, don’t know what to tell you”, he invites ALL of us to come unto him, be among those who are disciples of Christ, and participate. This is a universal invitation, and none are barred except by ourselves. It is because of His sacrifice we CAN come back to the fold and be present, whether we partake of the bread and water or not. You are worthy of love, support, and prayers. All are welcome because Christ welcomes all. Don’t deny yourself those blessings that come from merely being present as I did.

“However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.”

Jeffrey R. Holland

I am living proof of that sentiment. I was allowed in the congregation. Despite the path I walked to get there. Not only was I allowed to come to church and participate, I was welcomed with love and support from the members there. Then, I could let the Atonement, what the sacrament represents, make me whole again. The day I was able to take the sacrament for the first time after my return, was one I will never forget. I was eager for the meeting to begin; it had been over a decade since I last took the sacrament. My step father, who was sitting next to me, noticed me take the bread and after the tray had reverently moved down the row, he reached over and gave me a hug, told me he was proud of me, and that he loved me. I was so overwhelmed with joy. Pure, indescribable joy. I silently said a prayer of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for my Savior that made it possible for me to be clean again and renew my covenants with Him. Every. Single. Week. I made a promise to never take it for granted again. I promised to do better. That I would never return to where I was. Guess what? I haven’t gone back, but I have certainly made mistakes since. Lots of them! And every week I take the sacrament, I say another prayer, asking for forgiveness, that I may be a better disciple of Christ this week. That I would be a better example this week. A better person, more kind, more patient, more aware of the choices I make each day – this week. Because it is only for a week that we need to try. Because in a week we can come and take the sacrament, be forgiven, and start all over. Every time I feel that same love that I felt the first time. Followed by joy regardless of my shortcomings. The sacrament now represents the single most important event in my life. The Atonement. I now look forward with excitement, not dread. Because I responded to an invitation by a loving Savior.

Thanks for stopping by. Know you are loved.