Forgiving Me

My next post was hijacked by this thought, so I decided I would share in a little blip before returning to the post resting in the background.

“The past can shape you, but it does not have to define you”

Something that popped into my head this morning and I thought it was an interesting concept. How many times have we heard:

• Our trials make us who we are

• I wouldn’t change my past because it shaped me into who I am today

• I don’t regret it, I am a better person because of it

All these comments have a common theme: growth from experience. But we must be cautious. There is a fine line between personal progress and letting these experiences define who we ARE. As in present tense. Our past is not who we are today or tomorrow. It is who we were. Yesterday, a year ago, ten years ago. We need to remember that. Too many times I have seen people, myself included, weighed down by their identity, assuming a role they had in the past. Denying themselves the freedom of letting go.

FORGIVE YOURSELF!

I don’t know who needs to hear that. I sure did at one point, and still give myself emotional black eyes every now and then. It certainly follows the rule ‘easier said than done’. We are quick to forgive others and slow to allow ourselves that same solace.

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

-Doctrine and Covenants 64:10

…but of you it is required to forgive all men… that includes you. The individual in the mirror. The one that is probably the hardest but most deserving of your forgiveness.

Let me tell you a story.

I once made some awful choices in my life. Who am I kidding, it was way more than just ‘once’. But without going into too much detail, because that is not the purpose of this post, these choices required some serious repentance. I had come to a point in my life that I wanted change, I needed God and others to forgive me. I wanted to be a better disciple of Christ. With the help and guidance from loving church leaders, I found myself on a long-awaited journey back to Him. As I continued the path, my eyes were opened to the reality of the severity of my transgressions. I found myself on my knees at one point, pleading with my Father in Heaven for forgiveness. I laid out all the things I could possibly think of that would be displeasing to Him and at the end of it all, found myself muttering “I hate myself”. I was overcome with emotion as I came to that realization. That I hated myself for what I had done and felt that was what I deserved. Hate. But almost immediately after I said those words, I got an answer. My Heavenly Father, who had been quietly listening to me, responded with “But I don’t hate you. In fact, I love you more than you could ever know, Sammi. And because of that love, I have provided a way for you to come back to me. Because I love you, I sent a Savior. And because He loves you, He gave His life for you. He suffered for your sins because he loves you just as much as I do. And because we both love you; we forgive you. And because we forgive you, you can forgive yourself.”

None of us are perfect. We don’t have to be. God knew we would make mistakes and provided a way back. The purpose of the Atonement is to feel God’s love for his children. Not His wrath. We, I, need to do better about remembering that and using the Atonement the way it was intended. To seek forgiveness from Him, and from ourselves. I will do better about remembering that.

Thanks for stopping by. Know that you are loved.